Exhale Page 12

  Derek pulled the chair to my desk all the way out and turned it to face me. I swallowed another spoonful of soup and tried not to stare at him. The laughter and never-ending chatter of our combined families in my living room made its way down the hall.

  “I can’t believe everyone’s here. I can’t believe it’s Thanksgiving already,” I said, just to fill the silence.

  “I know,” he replied softly.

  Instantly, I regretted the words I had just said, realizing by Derek’s soft tone that I’d reminded him that no, everyone was not here. Kyle was missing this year.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” my voice trailed off. I shifted my eyes in his direction, my heart aching for him because of how difficult I knew this holiday season would be for him and his family.

  He took one more spoonful of soup into his mouth before setting his bowl down on my desk. “It’s all right.”

  It wasn’t all right. It would never be all right.

  “Do you still miss him?” I whispered, a stupid question, but one that had passed from between my lips nonetheless. I blamed it on the fever I wasn’t quite sure I had, my stomach churning and my heart pounding as I waited for his inevitable answer.

  In the dim light, I could just make out his mournful expression as he dropped his gaze to my crumpled-up jacket I had tossed on the floor. “Yeah. Every minute of every day. It makes me feel sick, like I don’t belong here.”

  The rawness of his words slashed at my heart. My hand twitched to reach out and smooth the creases that had formed between his dark brows. I tried to think of something to say to comfort him, to let him know that I related—even if it was only in a small sense compared to what he felt—that I missed Kyle too, but couldn’t settle on anything that sounded genuine enough.

  “Come lay with me?” The words left my lips before I could catch them and force them back down my throat.

  I risked a glance at Derek then. I could see his eyes glinting in the dim light, the hesitation and surprise mixing. Finally, he climbed in beside me. The bed creaked under his weight as he shifted around, making himself comfortable on my full-sized bed above the blankets.

  “How are you feeling? Any better?” Derek asked, changing the subject to erase some of the awkwardness of the moment.

  I set my nearly empty bowl back down on my nightstand and took a few sips of water. The heat from the soup had spread throughout my body, creating a delicious sensation of fuzzy warmth coursing through me.

  “Tired,” I admitted with a yawn, as I snuggled my head against his chest. His guy-scent surrounded me and I sighed with contentedness. “Do you think it would be a bad thing if I didn’t go say hello to everyone tonight?”

  Derek tucked me beneath his arm, his chin pressing against my forehead. “Nah, I think everyone would understand.”

  “Good,” I said, able to feel the nighttime medicine I had taken beginning to kick in heavily.

  We lay like that for a little while—my cheek pressed against his chest, his arm curling me into him. Listening to the thump-thump of his heart, my eyelids grew heavy once more and I began to drift off to sleep.

  “I hope you don’t get sick from being around me,” I mumbled as my eyes fluttered closed.

  Derek’s fingers, drawing soft, lazy patterns across my shoulder blade as he whispered, “I think I can handle it,” were the last things that I remembered.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  “Good morning,” Mom whispered over the rim of her coffee cup. “How are you feeling?”

  My whole body felt sticky and slow. I blinked a few times, erasing the haze of sleep from my eyes. “Morning. Better and worse.”

  “Better and worse, huh?” She smirked.

  I went to the fridge for the orange juice I had seen yesterday. “Yeah, my body doesn’t hurt as bad, but my throat is still sore and my head kind of hurts.”

  “I noticed you and Derek finally spent some time together last night,” Mom said, raising an eyebrow. I nodded as I poured myself a tall glass of orange juice. “And, how did that go?”

  “Fine,” I answered, suppressing the telltale smile that wanted desperately to twist the corners of my lips.

  “Good.” Mom sat her coffee cup down on the bar. “It’s nice to see you two talking again.”

  I plopped down on the stool beside her. “When did everyone get here last night?”

  “A little after five. And let me tell you, Sarah is ecstatic about spending time with you.”

  I chuckled. “I heard her last night telling everyone to be quiet because I was sick. I just can’t believe that she remembers me, it was like months ago the last time we saw them.”

  “Oh, you’d be surprised by the things little ones can remember.”

  I snagged a cheese Danish from inside a bakery box on the counter. “It’s cute.”

  “I’m glad you think so, because I was going to see if you felt up to watching Sarah for a little while, so me, Darlene, and Stacy can go to the grocery store to get what we need for tomorrow night.”

  “Can’t Grandpa watch her? I’m not sure if I’m supposed to work today or not.” Sarah was cute and all, but I wasn’t sure I could handle her by myself. Just thinking about it made me break into a cold sweat.

  I had never babysat before. Contrary to popular belief from TV shows and movies, not every teenage girl had babysitting skills. I was a prime example.

  “Gwen already called the house this morning to tell you not to worry about coming in today. And Grandpa will be here, but I kind of need you to watch him too.”

  “What? You can’t be serious.” I was going to be spending my first morning of Thanksgiving break sick and babysitting an eighty-six-year-old man and a three-year-old. Awesome.

  “Please. I know you’re not feeling well, but it won’t be for that long. And you don’t really have to babysit Grandpa, just don’t let him catch the house on fire or try to drive, his Alzheimer’s has really been kicking in the last few months.”

  “What about Dad or Uncle Mack?”

  “They’ve already left to go golfing with Tim today.”

  I tipped my head back dramatically and stared up at the ceiling. “Fine, but let me at least take a shower before you guys leave.”

  “Thank you.” Mom smiled, taking a sip of her coffee.

  I picked up my glass of orange juice and shuffled back down the hall toward my room, passing Aunt Stacy as she exited the bathroom along the way.

  “Morning, sickly. How are you feeling?” she asked, flashing me a blindingly bright, white smile.

  Aunt Stacy was my dad’s little sister. There was nearly five years age difference between the two of them, but you would never be able to tell it because of all of her years of going to the tanning bed. It had made her skin look much older and leathery than it should at twenty-nine.

  “All right, I guess,” I said.

  “Did your mom talk to you about watching Sarah and Dad for a little while?”

  “Yeah, I’m just gonna take some medicine and get a shower before you guys leave.”

  I felt revived after my shower, like the warm water had washed away most of my sickness, allowing me to move my limbs freely and not in that sluggish way from when I first woke. I tugged on a pair of dark skinny jeans and a loose-fitting red sweater in the hopes that Derek would make an appearance at some point today. My stomach fluttered at the prospect, especially when I thought of last night. It had felt so nice to be in his arms again, to feel that sense of comfort. I’d waited for the guilt that I always seemed to feel in his presence to reappear, but it never did. It had remained dormant since the other night when we packed up Kyle’s things.

  He would want you to be happy and for me to be happy too, don’t you think? Derek’s words from that night echoed through my head. A memory of the last kiss we shared on the beach flashed through my mind. I thought of how happy I was in that moment, how right everything felt. My lips twisted into a smile as I applied a light layer of a shimmering champagne eye shad
ow across my eyelids. The friendship bracelet I had found in Kyle’s room caught my eye. I hadn’t taken it off since I’d found it.

  “Oh no, I’m fine. Thank you.” A familiar voice found its way to my ears, making my heartbeat crazy-like and its fast-paced rhythm become the only thing I could focus on.

  After outlining my brown eyes with charcoal black eyeliner, I twisted my damp hair up into a loose bun. I opened the bathroom door and glanced down the hallway toward the kitchen. I could only see a tiny portion of Derek, but what I did see was enough to make my stomach flip. What was he doing here so early? Why didn’t he go golfing with the rest of the guys? How was I supposed to act around him after I’d fallen asleep on his chest last night?

  “She should be out in just a minute. It was nice of you to come by and check on her this morning,” I heard my mom say over the opening and closing of the pantry door.

  I held my breath while I waited for his reply.

  “Well, she seemed pretty sick yesterday.” His voice sounded so flat, so indifferent, that I began to wonder if maybe the feelings that I felt were not reciprocated anymore. That it might be possible too much time had passed and we really were just friends.

  Mom turned on the water then, making the last few sentences of their conversation muffled and hard to hear. The only things I could make out were: time to heal and the best of friends.

  The front door opened and Derek’s mom’s voice carried down the hall to where I stood. “Morning everyone.”

  I took that moment to walk down the hall and into the kitchen where everyone was congregating.

  “Hey, honey, what are you doing here? I didn’t even know you were up,” Darlene said to Derek as she lightly rubbed his back. “Aren’t you supposed to work today?”

  “Not until later,” Derek answered, but I noticed how he’d only answered her second question.

  I walked through the kitchen and back to the box of Danishes to get another one. They were the only thing that sounded good at the moment. My eyes flickered to Derek briefly, just to see if he noticed me at all, and locked with his bright green eyes.

  “Morning,” I said, flashing him a small smile as I reached into the box.

  He grinned back as he leaned on his elbows against the countertop. “Morning, feeling better?”

  His bright smile and direct attention threw me off. I hit the tip of my Danish on the edge of the box as I was closing it. It tumbled from my fingers and fell to the floor.

  “Crap,” I muttered under my breath as I bent down to retrieve it. It happened to be the last cheese Danish in the box. The rest were all strawberry, blueberry, or apple Danishes. Cheese was my favorite. “Five second rule?” I announced warily.

  “Eww, Katie, that’s disgusting,” Mom scolded as I blew the back of the Danish off. “Why don’t you just eat some of these eggs I’m making?”

  I shook my head. Eggs sounded horrible.

  “I don’t even think the five second rule applies…it was more like ten.” Derek chuckled.

  “Eh, give or take.” I took a bite and smiled at him. His face twisted and he made a gagging noise of disapproval. “What? It’s the last one.”

  “Ugh, what is that god awful smell?” Darlene asked, her face twisting up worse than Derek’s had and her lips curling slightly.

  “Eggs with cheese,” Mom answered. “I’m guessing from the look on your face that you don’t want any either.”

  “No thank you. Just the smell is making my gag reflexes overreact,” Darlene muttered with a hand to her throat. She turned to exit the kitchen and was nearly plowed over by a very energetic Sarah. “Whoa there, sweetheart!”

  “Oopsie,” Sarah giggled as she sidestepped Darlene and continued running full speed ahead until she reached me. “Want to play wit me, Katie?” she asked, batting her big blue eyes at me.

  I grumbled internally. “Maybe in just a minute,” I said after making the mistake of looking at her cute little face.

  “Can I have one?” Sarah asked as she linked her fingers behind her back and rolled on the balls of her feet, her eyes appearing wider and more puppy-like. This kid was good. This kid was real good.

  “What kind do you want—strawberry, blueberry, or apple?” I asked, opening the box and then reaching for a napkin.

  “Blueberry,” she shouted with a smile.

  “Oh no, you don’t,” Aunt Stacy said as she came charging around the corner, her eyes wide. “Bad idea, giving this little one sugar first thing in the morning.” She crouched down to Sarah’s level. “Sarah, sweetie, Aunt Julia is making you some eggs with toast. I think you should eat that first and then if you’re still hungry afterward, you can have half of a Danish. Okay?”

  Sarah frowned. “Okay.”

  “Whew,” Aunt Stacy breathed as she stood back up. “Where’s the list you’re making, Julia? There’s a few things I need to add before I forget.”

  “Over there, next to the toaster,” Mom answered, while stirring up the scrambled eggs she’d been making.

  I lowered down to Sarah’s level. “Here. Shh.” I slipped her a piece of blueberry Danish I’d torn off when Aunt Stacy wasn’t looking. She took it from my fingertips and popped it into her mouth with a smile.

  “I saw that,” Derek whispered looking directly at me, his lips twisted into that cute little grin I had missed so much, and my heart skipped a beat.

  “Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?” I challenged, the banter between us feeling good. Normal.

  “Not a thing.”

  “That’s what I thought.” I grinned.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Mom, Darlene, and Aunt Stacy left a few minutes later for the grocery store, leaving Derek and me with Sarah and Grandpa. I gave Sarah the blueberry Danish I’d promised her as soon as the door closed behind them, which excited Sarah so much she was bouncing up and down. After she chowed down one strawberry and one blueberry Danish in a matter of minutes and then asked for another, I turned her down and finally had the wrath of Sarah rain down on me when she folded her arms and stuck her tongue out before stomping off to the living room.

  “So what are you doing today? Planning on hanging out here all day?” I asked as I curled up on the edge of the couch and finished blowing my nose.

  “Maybe,” Derek said as he finished braiding the tale of a My Little Pony.

  “Yes! Yes! Yes! Stay!” Sarah shouted, as she rocked on her knees beside Derek on the living room floor. Her apparent sour mood was now gone as her sugar rush kicked in.

  I laughed. “I think she likes you more than me.”

  Derek looked up and flashed me a crooked grin. “Yeah, because I’m the one down on the floor playing with her.”

  “So?” I said nastily.

  “She’d probably like you more if you actually did something with her besides feed her junk food.”

  “I will…later,” I said, reaching for the remote from beside my sleeping Grandpa.

  Grandpa Elliot was dressed in typical old people clothes—a pair of khaki slacks, a white button-up, long-sleeved shirt, and a grey, fuzzy sweater vest. His arms were folded across his big belly and his tiny circular glasses were perched at the end of his nose. I didn’t know why he was asleep on the couch. I thought he’d been awake before Mom and everyone left, apparently his spurt of being awake must have been short lived. Which was fine with me, he was easier to keep an eye on when he was asleep.

  He had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a year ago. It had progressively gotten worse since, to the point that he had to move in with Uncle Tim and Aunt Stacy. They could afford it. Unfortunately, my parents couldn’t. I know this hurt my dad, but he never talked about it, instead he chose to say that Grandpa was in the best place he could possibly be, because Aunt Stacy used to be a nurse before she had little Sarah and decided to stay home. He said it was like killing two birds with one stone—Grandpa needed a place to stay and a nurse, he got both at Uncle Mack’s and Aunt Stacy’s.

  “What cartoons
do you like, Sarah?” I asked as I hit the guide button on the remote.

  “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!” Sarah shouted, making me jump. I glanced over at Grandpa, surprised he didn’t wake up. Sarah had gotten louder than I remembered her to be, that was for sure.

  “Mickey Mouse Club House…is not on,” I muttered as I scrolled through the channels. “How about The Wonder Pets?” I didn’t know what The Wonder Pets were, but it sounded like something she might like.

  “Yay! Wonder Pets!” Sarah yelled as her eyes became fixated on the TV.

  After about five minutes of The Wonder Pets, I was itching to change the channel. How the heck did they expect little kids to learn how to say things the right way and learn about stuff when one of the main characters was a duck with a speech impediment? How Sarah was so engrossed in the show was beyond me.

  I stood up to go to the kitchen for something to drink and became acutely aware of the fact that Derek had followed me.

  “Thirsty?” I asked him, glancing over my shoulder.

  “Yeah, what do you got? Any soda?”

  “No, Mom purposely didn’t buy any because Aunt Stacy is kind of a health nut now,” I said and Derek chuckled. “I know, right? If she was such a health nut, you’d think she would be more concerned about the damages of going to the tanning bed every single day and what the heck they put in those whitening strips she uses three times a week.”

  “Seriously,” he agreed. “I guess I’ll just take a glass of water then.”

  “You know where the cups are,” I said with a little more attitude than necessary. I turned to see his expression. When I saw that his lips were twisted at the corners into a tiny smirk and he was looking at me from underneath his dark, heavy lashes, I knew that he hadn’t taken offense.

  His eyes drifted from mine for a moment before finding their way back, a new emotion swirling within them—gratitude. “This is nice.”

  “What is?” I needed him to clarify, this was one of those situations that I could twist a million different ways in my mind and still never come to the conclusion he had, to the reason why he had just said what he’d said.